[Which confirms for her that Shuichi is one of the survivors and therefore would know--
Her fingers curl and uncurl against her knees a couple times, the question rolling around in her mouth like a heavy. She's pretty sure she already knows the answer. SHe's pretty sure he already knows the question is coming, though the way she poses it is more like trying to confirm a fact.]
[ There are so many things he could say about what Ouma did, and it takes him a moment to sort through them, and push down the feelings welling up in his chest enough to voice them. He tugs at the lip of the deerstalker cap a bit automatically. ]
He... tried to use his own life to end the game.
oops forgot to warn for V3 spoilers all up in here, just in case. jazz hands.
Oh. [It's said on a rush of an exhale, and her fingers clench tightly into fists again. Her head swims. The loss of her mother is also still too fresh and raw, and though she'd had a feeling, it hurts to have it all confirmed. Like, somehow, hearing it out loud makes it real.
But Kokichi's still here. In this city, he's alive and well, but-- But... What happens if this place decides to send him home? Her heart feels like it skips a beat in her sudden fear and the lights dim drastically before she gets a hold of herself and they go back to normal.]
Ah-- Sorry.
[She doesn't think she's ever going to get the whole story of that out of Kokichi, but she's not entirely sure if she can handle hearing it all right now either. Miu shifts and hugs her knees to her chest, curling up in the chair as if to shield herself.
Slowly she wets her lips and tries to think of what to say.] Did it work?
[ He looks grim, like he can't avoid doing every time he thinks about that trial, and his eyes itch with the threat of tears before he blinks them away. A faint layer of frost starts to appear on the bedspread, but he doesn't seem to notice. ]
But we took his ideas to heart to end things shortly after.
[That's-- good? It's something, at least. A victory in the end is still a victory.]
Stupid. [He was so stupid. It's ironic that she's mad at him for this when it's hardly like it matters now-- So maybe she can understand Kokichi's own misplaced anger at her a little better now. Dammit. It's not like she can do anything about it now, not like she could've done anything about it before, and the feeling of helplessness mingles with frustration.
Miu looks up to study Shuichi and then the frost growing over his bed. For a moment she's not sure what to say, if she should say anything, but at length she speaks:] Have you cried? Since you got here, I mean. Seeing your friends alive again, the loss of your old life, dealing with everything... Have you let yourself mourn yet? Screamed and cried or anything else? It's... It's okay to. You should just let it out, or it'll bottle up and come out like that. [She nods at the frost]
Edited (love html. love to one day actually be able to use it) 2017-12-28 02:12 (UTC)
[ He looks up in surprise, and touches his hand to the edge of his eyes before glancing to see what she's looking at and exhaling a long sigh. ]
I have. I think I cried meeting every one of them... and again when telling them how it ended. Ah, when telling Ouma-kun and Momota-kun, at least. ...And more than that besides. But... I'm happy to be here, and I'd like to be able to talk about it without...
It's fine to cry. I don't think they mind that much, because... Well, it shows you care, I guess. That it still bothers you. No one's going to expect you to get over that.
Ah, I guess what I'm trying to say is... Don't feel like you have to hold that sort of thing back or get over it.
[It's her own clumsy way of trying to make sure he's okay-- He's the one who had to actually live through it, after all. She plays with the straps on her pants, twirling them about her fingers as she thinks.]
I kinda had a feeling, but... Thanks for confirming it. Ha... I hate the truth sometimes.
[ But he still changes the subject away from his feelings. ]
I'm glad... that Ouma-kun is opening up to you a bit. I didn't know you were gone, but he definitely seemed... lonely. [ lonelier than usual ] I gather you talked quite a bit... Um, is there a reason you're wearing his clothes?
She had a feeling that question was coming, but somehow she still wasn't quite prepared. She looks up at Shuichi and drops her feet back to the floor, smoothing out her clothes--Kokichi's clothes--and her face begins to turn red.
She could say the real reason, but that's somehow more embarrassing ("I maybe sort of appeared and fell on him while he was in the bath and got soaked?") so instead she goes with a delicate clearing of the throat.]
I, um. Spent the night at his place...Last night. And my clothes got... kind of ruined, so... ["Ruined" is an exaggeration and this explanation sounds 10x worse than the truth. RIP.] I just haven't really had the chance to change back yet, I've been a bit busy.
[ Fortunately or unfortunately Shuichi doesn't make the obvious assumption from that. Given how Ouma is, there are a lot of possible ways someone's clothes could get ruined.
He is a little skeptical that she couldn't have changed if she really wanted to, though. She seems like she's probably enjoying herself. ]
I see. Well, they look pretty good on you, anyway, so I'm sure it's fine.
I'm a model, I can make a plastic bag look good. [She's definitely enjoying herself though, since Kokichi had mentioned it made her look like he belonged in her organization.
She picks at the buttons though with an overly-critical look] Which this isn't that far off from. [Rude.] This is a terrible outfit though. Did he really wear this all the time?
[She's mostly just putting it down to cover her own embarrassment now though.]
[MAKES A FACE.] Truly, hell. [Clearly that's the worst part of this killing game.
Which, speaking of again--] By the way... Why? Not about the clothes, I mean... Why did they lock you guys up to do this thing to begin with? What's the point?
For-- [She makes a baffled, indignant noise and stares at Shuichi like he's grown an extra head.]
Is that a joke? [But she knows it's not, which makes it even worse] What kind of world did you come from where people think that's entertainment? I'm an entertainer. That's just--
[She knows, too, that she doesn't have to say these sorts of things, he surely knows it already that it's sick and twisted and terrible. But she's angry on their behalf anyhow.]
And I thought where I came from was bad enough... [Is it worse to be manipulated into murder, or manipulated into suicide? She's not sure that's a debate she wants to have.]
I don't know what the world was like. That's... part of it. I thought I did, and maybe some of that is still true, but... mm.
[ This is maybe sharing too much, since he's not sure Ouma passed on this part, but it turns out the appeal of being able to actually talk about it rather than skirting around it or outright lying in casual conversation is too much to resist. ]
Supposedly, our entire identities were fabricated for the show. Our memories were definitely manipulated. There's... nothing to say that any part of what we remember about the world or ourselves actually happened in reality.
Ouma-kun mentioned a little about memories... [She muses quietly. It's probably easier to talk to someone who won't be effected by the truth anyhow-- at least not on the same level as the friends from his world.
Still, that's a huge level of manipulation that has her mind whirling. The level of technology alone needed to do something like that is way beyond her understanding.]
That's... [What does she even say? She exhales in a rush and shakes her head.] Insane. [A disbelieving laugh.] It's absolutely insane. They just gave you entirely new memories and shoved you in like actors in the world's craziest reality show.
[She sort of doesn't want to ask, but:] How much of 'you' do you remember? Anything? Or, can you not even trust that...?
Edited (i can't use the same icon in a row i'm not a HEATHEN ) 2017-12-30 04:30 (UTC)
[Miu goes quiet, watching Shuichi with a steady, critical gaze as if picking him apart.]
...Have you embraced the new 'you'? I mean... This 'you' that you are now, are you satisfied with it? Can you accept yourself and be happy with who you've become?
[Miu nods] Then...I wouldn't worry too much about it. It doesn't matter much who you 'used' to be so long as you like who you're becoming. And if you don't, then change.
[Like it's that simple?? Well, yeah. Miu runs a hand through her hair, turning it all over in her head again.]
How... Ah, how are you doing? [She frowns a little, brow furrowing in concern.] Do you have someone to talk to about all of this stuff? I don't think they really have therapy in a place like this, but...
...I've discussed it with a few people. Like Kirigiri-san. Ah—our killing game wasn't actually the first of its kind. It was supposedly the fifty-third. I don't know if that's true, but there are definitely people here who participated in two similar games. So there's... some common ground there.
It's—hard to talk about the extent that our memories were manipulated, though. I haven't even mentioned the videos to Ouma-kun or Momota-kun, so please don't bring that up with them.
[ Things he's pretty sure neither of them need to know: That it's possible their past selves were really excited to participate in a killing game. It's probably not true anyway. ]
[Though she says nothing, there's another noise of mixed shock and disgust as h mentioned fifty-third. That's it, she's taking every one of them back to her world or something because what the actual fuck.]
Ah-- Sure. I'm sure it's all confusing enough. I won't say anything. [A pause and she adds] Thank you...For telling me, I mean. I' sure it's... really, really rough to talk about.
Well, even if I might not understand a whole lot about it, you're free to vent to me any time. Sometimes it's easier that way.
[She's quiet for a moment, figuring the journal would also help there if he ever needs to get his thoughts and feelings out in a constructive manner. Looking to lighten the atmosphere a little, she eyes his hat.]
But you can't wear the hat when you do. I'm not sure I'd be able to take you seriously. I'd keep expecting you to suddenly start calling me 'Watson' or something.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Her fingers curl and uncurl against her knees a couple times, the question rolling around in her mouth like a heavy. She's pretty sure she already knows the answer. SHe's pretty sure he already knows the question is coming, though the way she poses it is more like trying to confirm a fact.]
Ouma-kun... Didn't survive... Did he.
no subject
[ There are so many things he could say about what Ouma did, and it takes him a moment to sort through them, and push down the feelings welling up in his chest enough to voice them. He tugs at the lip of the deerstalker cap a bit automatically. ]
He... tried to use his own life to end the game.
oops forgot to warn for V3 spoilers all up in here, just in case. jazz hands.
But Kokichi's still here. In this city, he's alive and well, but-- But... What happens if this place decides to send him home? Her heart feels like it skips a beat in her sudden fear and the lights dim drastically before she gets a hold of herself and they go back to normal.]
Ah-- Sorry.
[She doesn't think she's ever going to get the whole story of that out of Kokichi, but she's not entirely sure if she can handle hearing it all right now either. Miu shifts and hugs her knees to her chest, curling up in the chair as if to shield herself.
Slowly she wets her lips and tries to think of what to say.] Did it work?
no subject
[ He looks grim, like he can't avoid doing every time he thinks about that trial, and his eyes itch with the threat of tears before he blinks them away. A faint layer of frost starts to appear on the bedspread, but he doesn't seem to notice. ]
But we took his ideas to heart to end things shortly after.
no subject
Stupid. [He was so stupid. It's ironic that she's mad at him for this when it's hardly like it matters now-- So maybe she can understand Kokichi's own misplaced anger at her a little better now. Dammit. It's not like she can do anything about it now, not like she could've done anything about it before, and the feeling of helplessness mingles with frustration.
Miu looks up to study Shuichi and then the frost growing over his bed. For a moment she's not sure what to say, if she should say anything, but at length she speaks:] Have you cried? Since you got here, I mean. Seeing your friends alive again, the loss of your old life, dealing with everything... Have you let yourself mourn yet? Screamed and cried or anything else? It's... It's okay to. You should just let it out, or it'll bottle up and come out like that. [She nods at the frost]
no subject
I have. I think I cried meeting every one of them... and again when telling them how it ended. Ah, when telling Ouma-kun and Momota-kun, at least. ...And more than that besides. But... I'm happy to be here, and I'd like to be able to talk about it without...
[ He trails off vaguely. ]
no subject
Ah, I guess what I'm trying to say is... Don't feel like you have to hold that sort of thing back or get over it.
[It's her own clumsy way of trying to make sure he's okay-- He's the one who had to actually live through it, after all. She plays with the straps on her pants, twirling them about her fingers as she thinks.]
I kinda had a feeling, but... Thanks for confirming it. Ha... I hate the truth sometimes.
no subject
[ But he still changes the subject away from his feelings. ]
I'm glad... that Ouma-kun is opening up to you a bit. I didn't know you were gone, but he definitely seemed... lonely. [ lonelier than usual ] I gather you talked quite a bit... Um, is there a reason you're wearing his clothes?
no subject
She had a feeling that question was coming, but somehow she still wasn't quite prepared. She looks up at Shuichi and drops her feet back to the floor, smoothing out her clothes--Kokichi's clothes--and her face begins to turn red.
She could say the real reason, but that's somehow more embarrassing ("I maybe sort of appeared and fell on him while he was in the bath and got soaked?") so instead she goes with a delicate clearing of the throat.]
I, um. Spent the night at his place...Last night. And my clothes got... kind of ruined, so... ["Ruined" is an exaggeration and this explanation sounds 10x worse than the truth. RIP.] I just haven't really had the chance to change back yet, I've been a bit busy.
no subject
He is a little skeptical that she couldn't have changed if she really wanted to, though. She seems like she's probably enjoying herself. ]
I see. Well, they look pretty good on you, anyway, so I'm sure it's fine.
no subject
She picks at the buttons though with an overly-critical look] Which this isn't that far off from. [Rude.] This is a terrible outfit though. Did he really wear this all the time?
[She's mostly just putting it down to cover her own embarrassment now though.]
no subject
no subject
Which, speaking of again--] By the way... Why? Not about the clothes, I mean... Why did they lock you guys up to do this thing to begin with? What's the point?
no subject
no subject
Is that a joke? [But she knows it's not, which makes it even worse] What kind of world did you come from where people think that's entertainment? I'm an entertainer. That's just--
[She knows, too, that she doesn't have to say these sorts of things, he surely knows it already that it's sick and twisted and terrible. But she's angry on their behalf anyhow.]
And I thought where I came from was bad enough... [Is it worse to be manipulated into murder, or manipulated into suicide? She's not sure that's a debate she wants to have.]
no subject
[ This is maybe sharing too much, since he's not sure Ouma passed on this part, but it turns out the appeal of being able to actually talk about it rather than skirting around it or outright lying in casual conversation is too much to resist. ]
Supposedly, our entire identities were fabricated for the show. Our memories were definitely manipulated. There's... nothing to say that any part of what we remember about the world or ourselves actually happened in reality.
no subject
Still, that's a huge level of manipulation that has her mind whirling. The level of technology alone needed to do something like that is way beyond her understanding.]
That's... [What does she even say? She exhales in a rush and shakes her head.] Insane. [A disbelieving laugh.] It's absolutely insane. They just gave you entirely new memories and shoved you in like actors in the world's craziest reality show.
[She sort of doesn't want to ask, but:] How much of 'you' do you remember? Anything? Or, can you not even trust that...?
no subject
They showed us a video, at the end. Of who we used to be before. If it was real... that's definitely not me anymore.
And I guess if it was fake it isn't either. So. No.
no subject
...Have you embraced the new 'you'? I mean... This 'you' that you are now, are you satisfied with it? Can you accept yourself and be happy with who you've become?
no subject
no subject
[Like it's that simple?? Well, yeah. Miu runs a hand through her hair, turning it all over in her head again.]
How... Ah, how are you doing? [She frowns a little, brow furrowing in concern.] Do you have someone to talk to about all of this stuff? I don't think they really have therapy in a place like this, but...
no subject
It's—hard to talk about the extent that our memories were manipulated, though. I haven't even mentioned the videos to Ouma-kun or Momota-kun, so please don't bring that up with them.
[ Things he's pretty sure neither of them need to know: That it's possible their past selves were really excited to participate in a killing game. It's probably not true anyway. ]
no subject
Ah-- Sure. I'm sure it's all confusing enough. I won't say anything. [A pause and she adds] Thank you...For telling me, I mean. I' sure it's... really, really rough to talk about.
no subject
[ He takes a deep breath and exhales it slowly. ]
no subject
[She's quiet for a moment, figuring the journal would also help there if he ever needs to get his thoughts and feelings out in a constructive manner. Looking to lighten the atmosphere a little, she eyes his hat.]
But you can't wear the hat when you do. I'm not sure I'd be able to take you seriously. I'd keep expecting you to suddenly start calling me 'Watson' or something.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)