truthstranger | Nope's Peak Day 17 Post-Voting

...In this sort of situation... everyone does the best they can. Even if it's things they wouldn't normally think of doing. I know that better than anyone.

Maybe I don't think you made the best choice, but... there aren't any good answers. That's exactly... what they're trying to accomplish. Trying to make us believe that it's our choices that make us hurt. But it's not. It's their fault for putting us here.

And you've... been one of the few good things here. So.

[curls his hand into a fist and presses it against his forehead, doubling over slightly, shoulders hunched]

. . .

[he doesn't know what to say to that. to anything Shuichi has said that isn't a condemnation of his choices or what he did. so he just. . . stays quiet]

[ After a moment, Shuichi just leans sideways against him, shoulder against his, and doesn't say anything either. ]

[there's no hesitation before Akira leans into him in return. the silence stretches on for a few more seconds, before]

I don't get it.

[he doesn't. he doesn't at all]

. . . but thanks. For believing in me.

[ an almost-laugh, and then suddenly he’s speaking in a rush ]

I don’t get it either. I don’t understand... why anyone has to die. I don’t understand why I keep living through all this. Ultimately... it doesn’t matter. None of it matters. These are just motions they’re putting us through. The only thing that matters is our feelings for each other, and I...

[ His momentum breaks there, fumbling for the right words to say. ]

You... have been there for me, and I... wish you didn’t have to... go.

[that is a rush, and it's so much to take in at once. and if anything, that heartfelt admittance makes Akira realize exactly why Shuichi had a hard time believing his reassurances that they'd see each other again. because when all you can see in your future is death and more death, then letting go of someone you have in the present is almost impossible]

[he smiles a little, barely perceptible, and kind of sad]

. . . honestly. . .

I wish I didn't have to, too.

[ Tears well up in his eyes again, but he swallows and drops his head against Akira's shoulder in an ineffectual attempt to hide it. ]

Of course. No one wanted any of this.

[slides an arm around Shuichi's shoulders to pull him closer. a half hug]

Of course not.

. . . but the finish line is awfully close. I believe you can make it the rest of the way there.

Edited 2018-01-22 20:25 (UTC)

Mm, I'm sure I can.

[ He sounds confident about that, at least?? ]

...But I'm not sure I'll be happy about it. The end is usually... even worse.

It won't be. Not this time.

[he believes that. but he has to, considering he killed someone for that happy ending]

[ He opens his mouth to say something about how it doesn't even have to be untrue that they'll all get revived and sent wherever they want, that he's sure there could be some terrible truth behind all this that could ruin everything, still, even if they think they have it all figured out... but then he just closes it again. ]

...There's nothing to do but see, anyway.

. . . no. That's not quite true.

[wow, he sounds serious all of a sudden]

Can you do me a favor, Shuichi? Since I won't be here to do it myself?

[ He raises his head again, though he looks tired and unsure he's capable of doing any things. ]

...What is it?

Protect Akechi from Will Graham.

[ah. . .]

[he clarifies quickly]

Not that I think Graham will hurt him. I don't think he has any plans to do that.

But Akechi has spent all of his life being manipulated and used by adults. And the help that Graham has given both of us, while appreciated, is. . .

[. . .]

Just. . . keep an eye on them. Okay?

...Alright. I'll monitor the situation. I'm definitely going to keep an eye on Akechi anyway.

[ A least an eye. Probably more than an eye. ]

[he sags, relieved]

Thanks.

. . . in the end, I wish I would have pushed for more people to vote for him.

[ A conflicted expression crosses his face ]

...Maybe so. I didn't... think about that.

I didn't either.

[there wasn't enough time. but even when Shuichi announced his vote for Seto, he stayed silent, and honestly? that's one of his bigest regrets]

...I'm... not sure I want to think about that. Had I known the truth earlier... and had there been time to make sure it worked out, I probably would have...

[ at least considered it, certainly. ]

But, choosing who deserves to die isn't what a detective does.

It's discovering the truth. Isn't it?

[he says a bit wryly]

. . . but I suppose that's not why I'm a detective.

[not that he wants to have the responsibility of choosing who deserves to die, either. but. . . ah, you know. he's all about that personal sense of justice]

[which is probably why he's as calm as he is, despite his regrets about not pushing for a vote for Will. because in the end? he's still guilty]

Something like that isn't an objective truth. Everyone who commits a crime has their reasons.

...Though, maybe that's just an excuse for the fact that I'm bad at those sorts of decisions.

Nobody is "good" at those sorts of decisions.

. . . it's just, sometimes? People know that if they don't make them, no one else will.

[ He laughs, weakly. ]

Yeah, I know. I... admire people who can step up to do that, even if I don't necessarily agree with the decision. I wouldn't be alive now if not for friends who were much more decisive than me. And there are no right answers.

That's... what I mean, I think. That's why I'm not mad at you.

[heh. . .]

I am, if anything, decisive with my decision-making. Wherever. . . it may take me.

[leader of the Phantom Thieves for a reason]

Yeah.

[ Thinking about where it's currently taking him makes him sad again, but at least it's just a chest-aching melancholy this time, so his eyes stay dry and he just leans a little closer into his hug. ]

So... I don't think you should spend too much time wishing you would have done things differently. You made a decision, and it's done now.

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